Happy Mom

Still at deja vu mode, I asked myself of something I wished I could have altered so as to produce a different outcome in the present lifetime.

Then I thought of my mom and the conversation we had at the time I was in highschool.  She told me about her and my aunt's suitors… 

S:  Sana hindi na lang si Daddy. 

M: E di wala kayo ni Ovel ngayon… walang makukulit.

S:  Okay lang po.  Kung hindi naging kayo ni Daddy tapos wala kami, siguro iba sana… mas masaya ka ngayon at peaceful. 

<Silence filled the air> 

I saw my mom now and how she sacrificed to make our family work… no traces of memory that would reference my dad's responsibility in it… my lifetime would not be enough to repay all those sacrifices and heartaches.  If the world will award the greatest mother on earth, my mom is definitely a deserving nominee, if not the winner actually.

Given the chance to be inside the time warp machine, I would definitely go to the time where my mom meets my dad.  I would do anything not to let it happen… redirect my mom and dad's attention to someone else…

For sure, Obong and Ovel weren't be on the other end… but it cares me not… just a Happy Mom suffice my effort. 

If Denzel Washington tried it so hard to save Claire… and see her alive… mine would be saving my Mom from the perils of love and see her "new and alive and happy"… even without me.

I may never be so demonstrative of my feelings of how great my love is for my mom…. but I am sure of sacrificing my life even at the expense of losing it…. just for her happiness… I wouldn't have any second thoughts about it….  not even a wink..  

I grew up tough… for my mom and for my brother… in defense against my dad.

Deja Vu ;-)

I was a bit reluctant to join some friends in watching Deja Vu because I haven't seen the trailer at all.. until I saw this premise… a few hours before "saying yes"…

"Everyone has experienced the unsettling mystery of deja vu - that flash of memory when you meet someone new you feel you've known all your life or recognize a place even though you've never been there before.  But what if the feelings where actually warnings sent from the past or clues to the future?  It is deja vu that unexpectedly guides ATF agent Doug Carlin through an investigation into a shattering crime.  Called in to recover evidence that what most people on a New Orleans Ferry, Carlin is about to discover that what most people believe "is only in their heads" is actually something far more powerful - and will lead him on a mind-bending race to save hundreds of innocent people."

With this movie, I tend to be "suspicious of anything and at anyone" and observant at the very moment I saw it.  The silent presentation of the introductory part catches my attention and glued me to my seat.  It is really engaging and intellectually stimulating.

Initially, the movie prepared me to become an intelligent spectator… as if telling me… "ssshh.. you gotta be keen… someone's gonna pull you out of reality to know the suspect."  And later on, you'll find yourself so engaged with the storyline. 

I even suspected the wrong person! 

"What's next… after this… who the hell was the terrorist?  And why were you there?"

The concept of the high-tech lab is awesome but is highly unbelievable… the cinematography is very well crafted… Denzel Washington has always been very good at his acting….

The movie presented multiple timelines that cease to exist at the present time that might have unique future in the end.  After seeing the movie, I thought… all the loopholes had been closed… but after several hours… it draws several debates in my mind causing me to watch it again to see far beyond what I've seen before.

But while watching, I tend to leave all the notions I know about time-travel… to enjoy it.

In general, the movie succeeded at making the audience think and question your belief and possibly consider the possibility of "changing the past for a different outcome"… and the multiple timelines that coexist with the present….

Can that be real?

I'll pose some of the questions that has been bugging me after I watch it again…

Can someone explain to me why must there still be "Doug Carlin"…

Similar twist posed in Sophie's World… hehehe and that of the TV Series shown in Studio 23 a long long time ago….  the man can alter what happened in the past to prevent it from happening in the future.

Getting Your Life Back on Course

Do you ever feel as if your life has gone a bit off course? Maybe you were
making your way just fine when, all of a sudden, you weren't sure which
way to turn.

Sometimes, all of us face circumstances when our spiritual sense of
direction seems unclear. Fortunately, though, Hebrews 12:1-3 lays out a
clear plan for getting back on track after we've made some missteps.

First, we're to "lay aside every encumbrance. " Here, encumbrance
literally means "weight." In other words, we should remove anything
from our life that weights us down. Stress, guilt, fear, shame, and
regret are just a few of the burdens that can break our backs as we
strive to move forward in the Lord. We'll simply never go far when
we're dragging around unneeded baggage.

Second, we're to lay aside "sin which so easily entangles us." Have you
ever felt powerless because of your sin? It grows like a wild vine when
left unattended. Sin may start small, but unless it's rooted out early,
it can completely overtake you.

Third, we are to "run with endurance the race that is set before us."
This means we should stay focused. If we fall, we must stand up and
carry on. With the determination of an Olympic athlete, we press on
with our eyes on the goal, despite the obstacles and distractions.

Even when we feel lost, we can be sure God has a specific plan for our lives. He
knows where we've been, He knows where we are, and He knows where we're
going. The course has been set before us, and Jesus stands waiting at
the finish line.

Mind-boggling series

I've always been fascinated in watching CSI, Charmed, 24, Alias and Ghost Whisperer.    

My brother is a big fan of Smallville and 24, too.

I introduced Ghost Whisperer to Matto (Matto, I got Season 2 already) and she mentioned to me about Grey's Anatomy.  

I saw a DVD entitled Unit… I should have kept a copy for myself to stop thinking the story about it.  I was looking for The Tomorrow People… that starred teenagers with special  mental powers… that of telekinesis, mental telepathy and teleportation and another one, entitled Haunted.

Anything about ghosts, supernaturals, secret agents, magic and superheroes… something that will left my imagination working until my migraine attacks. 

Now there's Deja Vu… let's see what's spooky about this film..  At times like these, I missed my friend my friendly ghost, Rowell… who is equally enthusiastic about it.

;-) 

‘You’ve got to find what you love,’ Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

My second story is about love and loss.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

 

Thank you all very much.

The full article can be found in this link.

Bring the Pain

Meredith and Dr. Shephard must convince a religious man to allow his daughter to have a life-saving operation. Ellis is reliving her love affair with Richard. Alex and George must perform a surgery in less-than-ideal conditions to save a police officer's life. Cristina, right back at work, must find a solution when her patient loses access to his pain "medication." Izzie's mad at Alex. Meanwhile, it's decision time for Shepard-Grey-Shepard love triangle.

Meredith (voiceover): Pain, it comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain that we live with everyday. Then there is the kind of pain you just can't ignore, a level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else, makes the rest of your world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt, how we manage our pain is up to us. We anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.

Meredith (voiceover): Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more.

http://www.tv.com/greys-anatomy/bring-the-pain/episode/469139/summary.html 

Sibling Moments

Hindi man ako nakauwi ng Cavite noong Sunday pero hindi ko makakalimutan ang Sunday na iyon.

Obong:  Hindi ka ba mag-aaral? 

Ovel: Hindi Ate, beauty rest ako.  Magpapa-grad pic ako bukas.

Obong:  Nakanampuchi.  Ay magpaderma ka, magpspa, magpatrim  Hahaha

Ovel: Bonding tayo.  Maglinis ka ng room, maglaba ka at ako'y magiinternet sa labas.

Obong:  Ang ganda naman ng bonding natin.

<Lumipas ang ilang oras at nadatnan niya akong tulog.>

Ovel:  Hindi ka na nakapaglaba.  Hindi ko tinext ang laundry.  Mag-aral kang maglaba.  Nagwalis na ako ng dorm

Obong:  Sama kasi ng ulo ko. May migraine ako.

Ovel:  Kaya pala nakatulog ka sa kama ko kagabi.  Kumain ka na naman ba ng chocolate?

Obong: Hindi.  Namigraine ako sa kulay ng kwarto natin.

Ovel:  Hahahahahahaha Ay naku.. matagal ko na ngang gustong sabihin sa yo.  Nahihiya lang ako dahil ang laki nang nagastos mo.  Pero ang pangit noh?

<tawanan kaming dalawa> 

Obong:  Pagkita ko, akala ko Kindergarten ni Winnie the Pooh.  Bakit ang tingkad ng pagkadilaw?

Ovel:  Eh hindi naman tayo marunong bumili ng pintura.  Hindi ko nga maatim tingnan at natatawa ako

Obong:  Kulang na lang eh tables and chairs at picture ng mga cartoons…. mukhang pangprep.

<Hahahahahahahahaha>

Pagkalipas ng ilang oras…

Obong:  Eto burger mo… sinamahan ko ng sansrival.. di ba paborito mo yan?

Ovel:  Wow naman.  Lasang hangin yang sansrival na yan jan.

Obong:  Eto pang mais.   Kumakain ka ba niyan?  At least hindi lasang buhangin na iniuwi mo dati.

Ovel:  Oo naman.  Gusto kong kumanta, Ate.

Obong:  Antagal mo namang gumradweyt eh. Hindi kita maisama sa mga bonding bonding moments.  Hindi naman maganda boses mo ah.

Ovel:  Oo nga… pero kumakanta ako.

Obong:  Ako rin eh.. Sablay.

Ovel:  Isa lang kinakanta ko pag nagvivideoke.. "Morning has Broken…" 

Obong:  Bakit naman yun?  

Ovel:  Un lang kasi ang abot ng boses ko… Hahahahaha

Obong:  Hahahahahaha

Ovel:  Eh si Kuya N- - - , narinig mo na ba kumanta yun?  Kinanta yung High..  hagalpak ako sa kakatawa.

Obong:  Bakit?

Ovel:  Ganito… "Time won’t flow, everyone knows…. when the fain [pain] pades [fades] away.. "

<Hahahahahahaha>

Obong:  May f defect.

Ovel:  Naalala nga kita.. kung andun ka siguro… kasabay kitang tatawa… 

<Nasa CR cia.. naliligo… tapos kwentuhan kami.. >

Ovel:  Ate, tapos ka na ba maglaba..

Obong:  Hindi.  Dugo na kamay ko.  Paknit ang balat.

Ovel:  Dapat nag-aaral ka na maglaba, magluto…

Obong:  At dapat marunong ka na rin bumili ng pintura ng bahay.

<Hahahahahahahaha>

Sayang at hindi ko napicturean ang room namin… talagang… mauutas kayo sa kakatawa. 

B1 at B2

Si Obong at Si Ovel 

Nauna pa kami kay B1 at B2.  Magkakampi at magkaaway… not by chance, not by choice… but we have no choice at all.. whehehe

Bata pa lang kami, alam na ng tao kung gaano kami ka-close magkapatid. 
Kung ano lang kinakain ko… un din lang ang alam niya.  No gulay, no okra, at no sibuyas…

Ilang beses din kaming pinasayaw sa mga reunion kahit pareho kaming kaliwa ang paa.
Ako pa nga ang nagturo ng unang kanta na higit nagpasikat sa kanya sa aming pamilya.

Pareho kaming gustong-gustong kumanta pero likas na sablay ang mga boses. 

Siya ang weakling noong una at ako na ang likas na astig.  Kala ko noong una, bading!  Kala naman niya, isa akong tomboy!  Paano ba naman, pag nalolock ang pinto ng bahay, ako ang inaasahang umakyat ng bintana at bubungan.  Si Ovel ang moral support.

Ilang beses na kaming nagwre-wrestling na umaabot sa duguang noo niya at kalmot sa katawan. At sa pagtatapos ng laban, siyempre, ako ang Superman… at ang may hagupit ng sinturon sa pwet.  In short, ako ang maldita at siya ang tatahi-tahimik lang.  Nakalakihan ko nang siya ang anghel at ako ang may sungay.

Siya ang laking sakristan sa simbahan.  Ako naman eh ganoon din… lumaki akong nakakatulugan ang misa sa simbahan.   

Siya ang bata pa lang ay maporma, malinis, organized at disente.  So lahat ng opposite, ako yun.

Nang magsama kami noong highschool, doon na nakita ang malaki naming pagkakaiba.  Math ang forte niya at ako ay Recess…   Pero likas na maka-Ate yan.

Ate pahinging pera… Ate paano ba gawin itong assignment?

Ate may masarap sa canteen, bagong chocolate… parang masarap!  Bili ka, titikman ko!

Ate agahan mo naman ang gising, nakakahiya sa service… doon ka pa nagmemedyas.. hehehehe

Ate gumising ka na naman… 

Ate ko yan! 

Hindi ko makakalimutang minsan ay binuhusan niyan ako ng tubig sa kama dahil sa hindi ako magising… ilang araw kong hindi nahigaan ang kama na yun. 

At ilang beses na rin niyang nakita ang ginuguyam (nilalanggam) kong unan sa pagtatago ng balat ng chocolate at candy.

Ate, kadamutan neto… itinatago mo sa akin ang candy mo.. hindi naman ako hihingi.  Lagot ka kay Ina… ang daming guyam… <hehehehehe> 

Kelan ko lang nalaman na proud na proud pala cia sken everytime na may CAT Formation.  Officer ako nun… tagapagdala lang naman ng Flag at Sword… whehehe Feeling sikat daw cia nun sa mga classmates niya.

Nang sumikat ng konti ang mga kantang ginawa ko sa school.. tuwang-tuwa din yan.. 

Ako naman eh sobrang proud ng cia ang maging Corps Commander.  Huh!  Kapatid ko yan! 

At kamusta naman.. ako naman ang kinabahan at sobrang proud ng mapanood ko siya sa Musical ng Miss Saigon sa UP Manila.  Kumakanta pala ang kapatid ko ng live… ang ugat akala ko puputok.  Talagang sinadya niyang doon dumaan sa tabi ko habang hinahanap si Kim… talagang sinadyang banggain ang upuan ko para ipakitang… "ate… kumakanta ako… hahahaha"

May mga parte man sa pamilya naming hindi maayos… isa sa pinagpapasalamat ko na nagkaroon ako ng kapatid na katulad niya… 

Magkapatid na artistahin… nyahahahahahahahaha!

Your Nature

There was a man who saw a scorpion floundering around the water.

He decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him.  

The man still tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but the scorpion stung him again.

Another man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion, but the main said:

"It's the nature of the scorpion to sting. 

It's my nature to love.

Why should I give up my nature to love

just because it's the nature of the scorpion to sting?"

Don't give up loving, don't give up your goodness,

even if the people around you, sometimes sting.. 

Fly Me Home

From the time I saw them wearing white… happily standing in front of the altar… holding hands.. exchanging vows… and seeing their families and friends so happy to see them together…

until today… i was never been the same. 

My life has been more likely to be a blank piece of paper.  Nothing has been written… no scratches.. no erasures.. just blank.

My ears were no longer ready to listen… my eyes are blurred to see beauty… my heart has been a seat of compiled emotions of other people… and too insensitive of what other people might feel… my hands are no longer there to reach out… the real smile has been gone and so unsure of when it will be coming back.

I am like a bird constantly flying … flying so high that it prevents me to mess around…

They never see me crying… not by choice but as a recourse of emotional lock… 

How can you give love to anyone or at anything… if you, yourself, has lost the passion to love.

I don't want springboards… it will make lives a lot more miserable. 

Before I became a friend to anyone else… I need more time to befriend myself.

Allow me to take a long walk… allow me to see the stars… allow me to be silent… allow me to talk with myself… I am seeking answers that nobody else can answer for myself…

When I'm alone, allow me to smile… allow me to wave at airplanes crossing the moon… allow me to be me… allow me to paint the stars with my thoughts… allow me to sing even if I'm out of tune..

that's the only time i could unlock the sadness from within…

if you see me sooo carefree at what I'm doing… don't bug me…

i am a child who grows old… wanting to be like a child again… 

i am like a stranger… who went so far.. and got lost… and at lost of how I could go back..

Don't bug me… that's the very rare chance I am keeping in touch with my old self.

Who, the hell in this world, doesn't want to be happy and complete?

In my quest to find such… allow me to be home.