Ang Luma kong Tsinelas

Bumibili ako ng mais on stick nang may biglang kumulbit sa akin.

"Ye… Ye…. Ye… Ye…" <sabay turo sa paa nya>

Naisip ko agad.

"Gusto ninyo po ng tsinelas ko?"

Tumango si Manong sabay ngiti… "Ye… Ye… Ye… Ye.."

Tiningnan ko yung paa niya… madumi.. maitim… at makapal na ang kalyo sa kakalakad.

Isa siyang taong grasa.

Ilang hakbang na lang ako nun sa gate ng boarding house ko.  Inisip ko, kung ibibigay ko yung tsinelas ko… ako ang nakayapak pauwi.  Kaya agad kong tinakbo ang bahay.  Hinagilap ko ang 2 tsinelas ko na pambabae… may flowers pa nga at pink at pula pa ang kulay.

Halos, nag-ala Jennifer Gardner ako sa pagtakbo…

Hindi ko makita yung matanda.

Naabutan ko na cia malapit sa Claro M. Recto Highschool malapit sa may creekside sa 5th st.  Palapit sa 2 teachers at estudyante.

Kinulbit ko..

"Manong… di ba gusto mo ng tsinelas ko?"

Ang laki ng ngiti sa labi ni manong.

"Ye… Ye… Ye.."

Ibinaba nya yung plastik na damit niya.  At inilabas ko pa ang tsinelas ko.  Ako pa naman eh madiriin sa madumi pero noong time na iyon hindi ko akalaing napaka-casual kong dadamputin ang paa nya para ipasok sa tsinelas.

Sabay sabi nya… "Ye… Ye… Ye…"  Siguro ibig sabihin… KASYA yung tsinelas.

Madumi tingnan yung tao pero hindi mabaho.  Oo!  Ibinigay ko pa yung 1 pares ng tsinelas.  Sabi ko pambabae yan.  Tanggalin na lang niya yung flowers.

Pagtayo ko.. napansin ko na nakatingin pala sa akin ang mga teachers at estudyante.

Yung matanda, binuhat yung plastik niya at masayang naglakad patungo sa lugar ng mga teachers at ipinagmalaki pa yung luma kong tsinelas.

Lumingon pa cia sa akin at ikinaway ang tsinelas. Pero ang di ko makakalimutan ay ang kanyang ngiti.

Sakto:

Ang naibigay ko palang tsinelas ay yaong may reflex points.  Pangmassage kapag pagod na ang mga paa.

Malayo man ang marating mo Manong

At masira man ang 2 tsinelas na suot-suot mo 

Hindi ko makakalimutan ang ngiti mo

na nakakataba ng puso.

Next time…. toothbrush ka ha.. itim ng ipen mo eh.. hehehe 

Sarap ng Feeling!

Grabe na chever-loo… ngayon pa lang ako maglulunch.  Spicy Tuna na nasa lata pa at 2 rice.  Hindi naman halatang gutom…

Naawa na marahil ang mga bossing ko at may ilang minutes na break para lumamon muna ako bago ulit bumalik sa giyera.  May meeting kasi at madugong balitaktakan ng mga ka-chorvahan sa eklavoo.  Pero in fairness, natuwa ako sa sarili ko kanina…. sobrang naka-turned off ang TIMANG MODE… at mega-EXECUTIVE THINKING ON ako… hihihihi

Sobrang nakakatuwa ang feeling na may ipinaglalaban kang prinsipyo sa harap ng mga de-kurbatang mga presidente at bise presidente… sa loob ng halos 2 oras na meeting.  

Sa dami ng paliwanag na halos yung iba eh sumegway lang sa tenga ko, may mga bagay na  titimo sa utak ko na at magiging dahilan ng pagsasalubong ng mga matatarush kong kilay.

Hala!  Wag mong hintaying kumunot ang noo ko… hehehehe

Mega-firm pa talaga ang stand ko.  Feeling "Rey Langit" hehehe  

Tapos sa bandang huli… makikita nang mga kausap mo ang punto-de-bista mo… at lahat sila ay tatango sa implikasyon ng naisip mo.  Hindi pa rin pala pumapalya ang prinsipyo de Pooh ko.  Hihihi 

Kala naman nila kung sino akong matino… eh halos paglabas na paglabas kong meeting room.. 

Gusto kong sumenyas na…. *Clap! *Clap! *Clap! at sumigaw ng …. "Pa-Pizza ka naman…." whehehe 

whatta great sense of self-esteem and fulfillment…

Mabuhay ang mga Timang!

Timang man sa Turing… iginagalang din!

<Kamay sa Dibdib… Saludo!> 

Yebaaahhhhh!!!!! 

Happy Happy Happy Weekend!

Ssshhh…. Broke!

I am in the middle of a test and report rush in time for our corporate client meeting at 3:00pm today when I heard my cell phone beeped.  I've been working triply hard for the past few months for project sign-off… my world has turned upside down with the pressures and commitments…. and the only time I could really rest my mind is every time I walk at Mendiola watching the stars and the moon as they guide me home.

Before taking a restful sleep, Debs greets me "Good mornyt!"…

Then there’s just one message I haven't read yet.

What is loneliness?

It's when you're looking for comfort…

and you hold your own hand

I remembered my Mom telling me…

Don't you get tired of going home late?

Don't you get tired of working and working at the wee hours of the night?

Don’t you get tired of being alone?

I just smiled.  Answers are kept at the very seat of my heart… trying to hide it to anyone else even to myself…

I am…

Sometimes when my feet get so tired of walking…
I want to raise my feet up at my head board…

When my mind and my body have no more energy left…
I want to just lie down in bed … not knowing my shoes are still in there…
or the mosquitoes are just around the corner ready to bite me.

 When I'm hungry and sleepy…
I'd rather sleep than eat… and leave my stomach empty.

I get tired, too.  I am not a superwoman. 

But what I've discovered lately upon pondering on with this text message..

a pat on my back…

a hanky to wipe my tears…

a shoulder to lean on…

a hand I could just hold on tight…

a massage every time my migraine strikes…

a finger to hit the CD Player on…

or will hold your hand and fit the fingers in between…

a chest to lay my head with till I fall asleep…

I felt the need to be hugged…

even if I hear no sound coming from anybody…

Just a hug will make me feel alright.

It's as if… you're telling me…

"Everything's gonna be fine… You're not alone." 

I never felt the need to … the moment one striking fact crossed my mind…

The man I wished will do all these things for me… are no longer there…

Probably doing the same with the lucky girl…

If it’s just easy to find refuge in the arms of others…

I would…

But nothing’s compared to the warmth of embrace of a man

you have entrusted your love with…

If it’s as easy as spelling my name even backwards…
I would have spelled it a million times or more…
just to bring you here…

In my arms…

Care to give me a hug, Cookie Monster?  

People see me as a strong, happy and blessed person…

But behind those smiles

They just don’t know how much I’m in pain

And almost “broken”.

Bida sa Tinabingang Butas

Pasado 12:00am.  Sa sobrang tahimik ng kanto narinig ko may nag-aaway.  Sarado na sa gate ng dorm dahil sa 10pm na curfew.  Pahirapan na naman sa pagdoorbell.  Doon ko nalaman na sa dorm namin nagmumula ang away.  Babae at Lalaki.  Kala ko simpleng away mag-syota.

Nagulat ako nang may lumapit sa aking brgy. chairman daw.  Kakausapin ang landlady.

Nalaman ko na, may nahuli palang naninilip sa CR ng Girls… ilang minuto bago ako nagdoorbell.   Umakyat ang dugo ko sa ulo ko sa inis.  Iyon din kasi ang ginagamit kong CR.  Sa ilang taon kong pagtira sa dormitoryo, ngayon lang ako nakarinig ng ganitong alegasyon.  Btw, ang dorm namin ay karamihang lalaki… tirahan ng mga nagrereview sa bar… ng mga magkakaklaseng Law Students… obligado akong samahan si bro sa dorm na yun kahit na ayaw ko.  Sa lugar ng mga lalaki, na bilang lang sa daliri ang mga babae, maraming kalokohang pwedeng gawin.  Kaya sa pagtuntong ko sa dorm na iyon, inihanda ko ang sarili ko sa mga posibilidad.  Be alarmed… at una kong minamatyagan everytime na maliligo ako… hidden camera sa CR… o matang aaligi-aligid sa paligid.

Balik tayo sa maninilip.  Nakitang nakatuntong sa silya at pinilit gumawa ng paraan para makita ang tao sa loob.  Sakto, dumaan ang boyfriend ng babae.  Huli sa akto ang ating bida.  Tatanggi pa syempre. 

1.  Hinahanap daw niya ung isang dormmate na lalaki na nasa canteen daw pala.

2.  Hinahanap daw niya ung isa pang dormmate na lalaki na akala niya eh nasa loob ng CR.

Nagpanting ang tenga ko sa argumentong ito. 

Landlady:  Mabait at tahimik na tao raw si Maninilip.  Hindi ko akalaing gagawa ng kalokohan.  At ngayon lang iyon ginawa noon.  Blah Blah Blah.

Sheggz: Ngayon lang nahuli.  Hindi tayo nakakasiguradong ngayon lang ginawa.

Tapos kaninang umaga… umamin.  Anak pa naman ng official na pulis.  Ipapabarangay sana namin.  Kaya lang siyempre, eskandalo yun sa part ng babae… at may iba pang rason na hindi ko na pwedeng iblog.   Kaya minarapat na kausapin na lang ang magulang ng maninilip… at kung may delikadeza siyang tao… umalis na lang siya ng dorm.

Walang kaso sa akin kung umamin sa mga ginawa.. mali man o tama.  Wala naman akong karapatang manghusga.

Pero yung sa harap mo… matino mong kinakausap… sincere kang kausapin… pinipilit pang magtago at magawa ng kwento.

Iyon ang higit kong ikinaiinis. 

Coke Float Love Spell

I went to McDo Morayta after leaving the office at around 10:30pm for my over-delayed lunch.  You could probably think how my stomach rumbles

McNuggets meal with Coke Float… my all-time favorite.

Just when I'm about to eat it… I noticed the paper mat…. Coke Float Love Spell.

To catch the eye of your crush, begin with a Coke Float.  Hold the Float using the hand you extend when accepting an object from someone else.  This act symbolizes an invitation to that special someone.  Stir your Coke Float as you think of that special person.

Recite this chant three times while stirring:

"With my aim true, I read this quote.  May love find me as I sip my Float"

Keep stirring the Float until the sundae and hot fudge have blended with the Coke.  Close your eyes and take three sips, still thinking of that special person. 

Can't tell you if it's effective.  Sa gutom ko hindi pumasok sa utak ko yung binasa ko kaya ulitin ko na lang ulit bukas… kain na lang ulit ako ng McDo…

Tired of Loving

Sino nga kaya, Sheggz, ang katapat mo, noh? 
Meron nga kayang makakatapat sa 'yo?

These were the questions raised by Ate Raquel when we were having dinner a month ago.  Thrown out of the blue.  I could have swallowed the whole dumpling upon hearing that question.

We just ignored it and continue eating.  But the question stayed in my mind.

Honestly, I am not looking for a man with great looks… though I preferred a chinito.

Not a wealthy man who can just easily buy me love… 

Not a man with great possessions and good career and degree… just someone who can carry himself naturally decent and never insecured. 

Not a man who is overly religious, but someone who reveres God and could willingly serve SFC or YFC.

Someone who enjoys the simplest joys in life, walking at the park, watching the sunset, plays good music, encourages good books to read and good movies to watch, stargazing, one who never stops learning and yearning for something new.

Someone who sets a good and attainable goals for himself and family. 

Suffice to say, if I will look for a man with all those standards, I will never find any.

But I am not looking… My time, desire and passion for that had been gone.

When I hear somebody telling me… these and that… sending notes…. showing attention and good intentions…. my heart just simply cannot be swayed easily.

Actually, I hate being courted… *talaga!*…. all-the-best-foot-forward strategies are all fake.

I want the feeling of riding a roller-coaster-ride from friendship then later on finding out a special feeling arising from that.

I don't know why I say these things…. 

My heart grow old when it comes to loving. 

I get tired of hearing "I Love Yous"… "Take Care"…

I get tired of "assuming" I was really loved… but never had the guts to bring me to the aisle.

I get tired of asking myself "have i been really loved?" 

I get tired of promises… of plans… of weddings… of forever…

I get tired of being hurt  

Just someone I can rightfully sing Jim Brickman's "Your Love"

it's not the flowers, wrapped in fancy paper
it's not the ring, i wear around my finger
There's nothing in all the world i need
when i have you here beside me,
here beside me

Chorus
so you could give me wings to fly
and catch me if i fall
or pull the stars down from the sky
so i could wish on them all
but i couldnt as for more
cuz your love is the greatest gift of all

in your arms, i found a strength inside me
and in your eyes there's a light to guide me
i would be lost with out you
and all that my heart could ever want
has come true

so you could give me wings to fly
and catch me if i fall
or pull the stars down from the sky
so i could wish on them all
but i couldnt as for more
cuz your love is the greatest gift of all

you could offer me the sun, the moon
and i would still believe
you gave me everything
when you gave your heart to me

so you could give me wings to fly
and catch me if i fall
or pull the stars down from the sky
so i could wish on them all
but i couldnt as for more
cuz your love is the greatest gift of all 

Be man enough to show the world how much you love…  

Question

I become selfish when I love someone like you

Gusto ko sa akin ka lang…

Di pwede sa iba.

But…

What if ..

may humingi sa yo?

Ibibigay ba kita

o

ipagdadamot kita?

1 last question:

SASAMA KA BA?

Hoping this message will be read by the person whom i would want to answer this… I would just like to know how he will answer this… 

To be followed by another question…

BAKIT KA SUMAMA?

;-) 

Signature

I am pressing myself off not to make any complaints about how my job takes my time and energy.  No qualms about going home late at night or early mornings. Such demand of strenuous stretch of brain cells had been there all along since I started working as software developer in 1999…

This time, I am at the verge of questioning my beliefs and long held principles at the expense of serving my bosses.  Have you asked yourself which way to turn to when you're forced to do something beyond your values? 

"My name appears at the bottom of this document.  So anything written above my name is under my responsibility.  And any tasks that accompany it makes myself accountable for that.  If I don't believe on it then I should have not signed that."

I remember one incident that I was forced to sign, claiming that the document is true and free from any discrepancies.  I read it and find some flaws.  The line of questioning is merely to affirm that what I've read is false… and my partner said.. "Yes.  Just sign it.  They won't see the discrepancies, I assure you."

I hold the document for a minute or two but my focus was no longer on the contents.  I was thinking of a way to deceive my partner.  I grabbed his ballpen and wrote something on the space provided for my "signature". 

He smiled.

I gave the document back and left. Late afternoon, I was confronted again by the same person.  This time he was overly mad.  He didn't read what I've written on that piece of document and it was reproduced and sent to the  "recipient".

He asked me this…. "Why did you write this?  You are supposed to sign this?"

I didn't tell you I signed it.   Haven't you read it?

"Goodluck! Affix your name not mine."

Tarush!

Old Smiles

I was listening to APO's "Saan na nga bang barkada ngayon" when I saw this picture on my files. Seeing the smiles on their faces made me think of so many things that we've been through in just a short span of time… Was wondering when will be the next time… i'll be with them again… 

<sigh… teary-eyed> 

 Mojack, Agnes, JP, Kuya Jun and Sheggz

June 24, 2006 @ TIMPLA 

Nagsimula ang lahat sa iskuwela. nagsama-samang' labingdalwa'.

Sa kalokohan at sa tuksuhan, hindi maawat sa isat-isa.

Madalas ang istambay sa capetirya. Isang barkada na kay' saya.

laging may hawak-hawak na gitara, konting hudyut lamang kakanta na.

kay simple lamang ng buhay 'non, walang mabibigat na suliranin.

prublema lamang laging kulang ang datung.

Saan na napunta ang panahon.

*

*

[Chorus:]

Saan na nga ba, saan nanga ba?

saan na napunta ang panahon.

Sa unang ligaw kayo'y magkasama, magkasabwat sa pambobola.

Walang sikreto kayong tinatago, O kaysarap ng samahang barkada.

nagkawatakan na sa kolehio, kanya-kanya na ang lakaran.

kahit minsanan na lang kung magkita, pagkaka-ibiga'y hindi nawala.

At kung saan na napadpad ang ilan,

sa dating iskwela'y meron' ding naiwan.

Meron' pa ngang mga ilang nawala na lang,

nakaka miss ang dating samahan.

*

*

[Chorus:]

Saan na nga ba, saan na nga ba?

saan saan na nga bang' barkada ngayon.

Ilang taon din ang nakalipas, bawat isa sa ami'y tatay na.

nagsusumikap upang yumaman, at guminhawang kinabukasan.

Paminsan-minsan kami'y nagkikita, mga naiwan at natira.

At gaya nung araw namin sa iskwela, pag magkasama ay nagwawala.

Napakahirap malimutan, ang saya ng aming samahan.

Kahit lumipas na ang iilang taon, magkabarkada parin ngayon.

*

*

[Chorus:]

Magkaibigan, magkaibigan magkaibigan parin ngayon.

Magkaibigan, magkaibigan magkabarkada parin ngayon.