The Pact

I know that my heart is not the same as that of my playmates when I was six.
I played early and has no choice but to mature early with every experiences my life has given me, in family, in people around me, in the choices I make and in what I have failed to achieve.

When I gave up my desire to start a vocation inside a convent in early 2005, I dare God that I may be used in whatever way He wishes in exchange of marital bliss.  That I tell you, why, despite the pressure, I am not overly concerned whether I will end up marrying somebody or not.  Because I have made a pact in lieu of a greater purpose which up to now I am still discerning what purpose I will perfectly serve my life with… that's more I am more concerned… the bliss of my soul.

Ending life, drastic career moves, detachments and planning to go abroad always fail.  For whatever the reason is, I still don't know…

I am wondering why, despite several attempts to land a job abroad, despite the smooth processing at the beginning, somewhere along the way, something will go wrong and the plan will never pursue.

Now, I dare God once again… If I still have something left to do at my hometown, a mission that was never been accomplished yet, then point me to a job that offers the same remuneration I am expecting to achieve abroad and lead me to people, places and events that will cultivate my first longing to be fulfilled.

… what purpose is that … preventing me to go out of the country?

… what else I leave unfulfilled?

… what more can I do?