Bulag sa Katotohanan

Hihihi Ansarap ng feeling talaga na mapagkamalan kang mas bata sa edad mo… Kala pala sa office, fresh graduate ako… at masyado akong bata para sa project na kasama ako… hmm… eh konting hinga na lang malapit na akong mawala sa kalendaryo… mabuti na lang at may lotto… Pag nakaordinary casual outfit, P6 lang ang akalang dapat kong bayad sa jeep… hehehehe mukha ba akong estudyante pa manong? hehehe Wala naman sa effort yun to look young actually, it manifests itself naturally when you have a vibrant and bubbly personality inside and out.  If you believe that you’re happy inside… it reflects outside… Before, when I still belong to the so-called “yuppies”, wearing dark colors and wearing eyeglasses are my preference to look a lil matured.  I needed that for some sort of “authority” hehehe

Ei, wala akong magagawa… ganyan talaga ang ipinanganak na “mukhang bata”… hehehehe

Kaya… pag napagkamalan kayong “super bata” sa edad ninyo… sing and dance to the tune of the recent Jollibee jingle..

What Happens when Love Dies

I found this in my email as part of my subscription to a certain yahoogroup. 

By: Amy Waterman, Author - Save my Marriage Today
 
When you don't put effort into your relationship, love dies. Remember that a marriage either grows or weakens. Think of your marriage like a plant: if you fertilize it, water it, and notice when it is unhealthy, it will thrive. If you leave it to grow on its own, without any attention, it will wither.

One of the most common marital complaints is that, "We're not in love anymore." There are numerous people who file for divorce with the explanation, "I don't love my spouse anymore." Where does love go and how can you get it back?

Let me address the second question first.

If you're the partner who's lost those loving feelings, there's a simple and effective answer to your question. Get it back by loving your partner. I first came across this method ten years ago. Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, tells us that love isn't a feeling; it's an action. If you don't feel warm and affectionate towards your partner, ask yourself a simple question: are you acting warmly and affectionately towards your partner? If not, there's your solution. You cannot maintain feelings of love and affection unless you consistently act in a loving way towards your partner. This means that you listen to your partner. You compliment and verbally appreciate your partner. You think of a million and one ways to show your partner how much you respect, admire, trust, and believe in him or her. Maybe you give your partner a card on obscure holidays; maybe you surprise your partner by washing his or her car, or by initiating a back rub on a quiet weekday night. You'll learn more about this concept in my complete Save My Marriage Today! book.

You may not be able to change your feelings by pure force of will, but you can change your behavior. Luckily, changing your behavior is often all it takes to change your feelings. If you don't love your partner anymore, love your partner even more. It's not a contradiction. Act out the love that you want to feel.  

Twenty-five Relationship Killers
If your partner is the one who doesn't love you anymore, don't go looking for blame. You cannot make your partner love you again by arguing, tears, manipulation, or threats. The only way you can recapture your partner's love for you is by being a more lovable person yourself. Most of us think that we're easy people to love. Love is an emotion: it can be turned on or off, right? Wrong. Love is an action, and unless it is acted out it will die. As a result, you may be resisting being loved without even knowing it.

If you are uncomfortable giving and receiving loving acts, you may be a hard person to love. If you find it more comfortable to criticize than to compliment, you may be a hard person to love. If you shrink away from hugs and avoid kissing in public, you may be a hard person to love. If you show your affection towards your partner by teasing or making fun of him or her, you may be a hard person to love. If you always have to be right and don't listen to your partner, you may be a hard person to love. Lovable people love others. They are positive people. They enjoy physical intimacy and often initiate it. They trust and believe in their partner. They're proud of their partner, and they make sure their partner knows this. Because they are open and uncritical, their partners know that they can come to them with anything. Does this sound like you? Do you want it to sound like you? You may be thinking, "Those types of people are easily taken for the fool." It's true. Lovable people can be taken advantage of. But the one place where no walls should exist is in a marriage. Your partner is not like other people. For intimacy to grow, both of you must be comfortable loving one another–both giving love and receiving it.
 
The following relationship killers nip love in the bud. They'll make it impossible for your partner to love you and, as a result, will cause your partner's loving feelings to die. If any of them apply to you, it's up to you to change yourself. You cannot get your partner's love back until you make it easy for him or her to love you.
 
 1. You're disappointed in your partner. Your partner can sense when you are disappointed in him
 or her, even if you try to hide it. Respecting your partner is a must. You cannot have a healthy
 marriage if you are disappointed in your partner, period.
 
 2. You're disillusioned with your marriage. Disillusionment is another marriage killer. You may
 feel as if your marriage hasn't lived up to your expectations. If so, take responsibility for your
 feelings. Don't blame your partner or your marriage. If your marriage isn't what you want it to be,
 change it. If you're disillusioned, examine your expectations. Maybe they weren't realistic in the
 first place. You are responsible for your own happiness, and blaming your partner for not giving
 you the marriage you want is a cop-out.
 
 3. You don't respect your partner. In some ways, respect for your partner is even more important than love for your partner. Have you ever noticed how you find it easy to like people who look up to you? When you respect and admire your partner, your partner will feel more loving feelings towards you. If your partner feels as if he or she has to live up to your expectations, constantly disappoints you, or can never get it right, you've failed to show your partner the respect that he or she deserves.
 
 4. You don't like or respect yourself.
 5. You don't do what you say you are going to.
 6. You let pride get in the way.
 7. You always have to be right.
 8. You don't listen to your partner.
 9. You do things because they annoy your partner.
 10. You're dishonest.
 11. You have temper tantrums and/or are unable to control your emotions.
 12. You are hurtful and put down your partner.
 13. You criticize your partner in front of others.
 14. You take pride in being difficult to live with.
 15. You're unwilling to meet your spouse's requests or compromise.
 16. You want your spouse to change who he or she is.
 17. You let others get between you and your spouse.
 18. You don't fight fair.
 19. You want to stay exactly how you are and resist growth.
 20. You can't handle stress and take it out on your spouse.
 21. You take everything your partner does or says personally.
 22. You always see the negative side of things.
 23. You refuse to admit there is a problem or seek professional help.
 24. You engage in alcohol or substance abuse.
 25. You are physically or verbally abusive to your spouse.
 
How to Face the Truth
If you've made it this far in the course, you realize that transforming yourself into a more loving, lovable person will take a lot of soul-searching and breaking of old habits.

The Last Spinster Standing

I have a friend by the name, Jacq, who I considered the most career-focused among my circle of friends.  We were classmates in UST Graduate School and I immediately sensed that she’s the “serious” when it comes to career and at building a career path.  I’m just second to her when it comes to “raket”.  So if you’re referring to who’s gonna grow old as spinsters… Sheggz and Jacq are the usual topping the lists…

Getting high-paying jobs wasn’t that difficult for her.  She’s sending me URLs of companies promising good compensation and good opportunity.  The casual conversation went like this…

J:  Business Intelligence Solutions.  Machachallenge ka sis..
S:  Intellectually challenged ako sis… baka machallenge sila sa akin hahaha

It’s always to that effect… Jacq is the one who convinced me to try other areas of IT Management that led me to where I am now…

But just this morning, I was surprised when I got the chance to chat with her… “Sis, lie low muna ako sa career…”

What the heck are you talking about?!  Is that you?!?  Jacq is the next in line who intends to go abroad and marry her long-time love and have a baby.

You might be successful in your career and enjoying the fruits of your hardwork but nothing can beat the happiness of coming home to your “family”.   You might be tagged with several names… but nothing is more rewarding than being called “Mom and Wife”….

Oh well, Jacq… you have proven your worth and you did it very very well… now’s the time to put yourself in a place you’ve always wanted… in the arms of your loving “Husband” hehehe

Time to rest, my dear…  time to love…

Leave all those high-paying prospective employers to me… hehehe

Oh well ulit… in Tropang Peks… ako na lang ang naiwang pinakamagandang spinster! hahahaha

Friend kong Teachers

“Nakakamiss ang dating samahan…”

This is what I thought after reading my friend Luvie’s e-mail first time in the morning.  She’s now based in Canada with her husband and plans of coming home to the Philippines are far from their short-term priority.  Before, when I feel the need to be reunited with old mentors who eventually became my closest friends, I visit Luvie in Calubcob, Mercy in Lucsuhin, Susan and May in Lalaan or Ate Eva in Amadeo.

… my high school teachers.

We can talk about anything, laugh at the corniest jokes we can possibly think of and cry at the saddest films we watched on tv and the stories we shared, spent long hours on the phone just talking and laughing.

… my high school teachers who never built gaps in between the teacher-student relationship…

Luvie, Ate Eva and Mercy are now in US while Susan and May are enjoying their lives as Moms

Admittedly, we tend to be so busy running our lives that we unintentionally miss knowing what’s going on with our lives now that we are a lot more “matured” and no longer “young” anymore.

Each friend fulfills a certain level of belongingness and longing to be reunited.  For some that they think “real friendship” is not possible with teachers and students… may our story of friendship convince you that it is possible.  10-year age gap has never been a cause for not continuing nurturing friendships…

“Nakakamiss ang mga ka-cornyhan…”   

In her email is a hard-to-ignore request, “wag ka munang mag-aasawa hanggat wala ko sa Pilipinas ha?  Gusto ko andyan ako pag ikinasal ka.”

The same goes with Sansu’s request, “kasalanang mortal ang hindi mo ako invite sa kasal mo.  Kahit mag-gatecrash ako… attend ako…”

Para naming mangyayari iyon!

I’m glad that their lives are running smoothly… God Bless, Mdme and Miss! 

Kapamilya Spirit

Hmm… sa ibang mga magulang… karaniwan na yung maririnig mo yung mga salitang… “Makapagtapos ka lang ng pag-aaral, okay na sa amin.  Edukasyon lang ang tanging pamana namin sa inyo.”

Pero kelan lang nang naisip ko na sa totoong buhay, hindi natatapos sa pag-graduate o pagkakaroon ng diploma ang tunay na pamantayan ng mga magulang na “solve” na sila sa kanilang mga anak.

Maliwanag sa akin na obligasyon ko ang makapagtapos ng pag-aaral.  Iyong makita ka nilang pinagsusumikapang gumawa ng isang maganda at matatag na pamumuhay batay sa “handog nilang edukasyon” ang para sa akin ay mas mahalaga kesa sa ano pa mang bagay.  Iyon kasi ang “gauge” ko kung talagang may natutunan ako sa akademya at sa kung ano mang natutunan ko sa bahay.

Kami naman ngayon, Nay… Tay.  Antagal nang panahong kayo ang nag-iisip kung ano ang laman ng hapag-kainan at kung paano maitatawid ang ating buhay.

Kami naman ngayon ang gagawa noon… pahinga na kayo.  Ito iyong “Kapamilya Spirit”

Buhay Empleyado

Nakakatuwang isipin na bumalik na naman ako sa nakagawian kong mundo.  Magseset ng alarm clock upang isnooze sa umaga ng ilang beses.  Magpeprepare ng isusuot kinagabihan para bukas.  Rush at makikipag-agawan sa jeep at nagmomoment sa pagtulog sa fx.

Pagbaba ng fx, halos ilang hakbang lang lakarin papuntang opisina.  Makakasalubong ng babae at lalaking nagmamadali rin, walang paki na ngumunguya sa daan mairaos lang ang pang-umagang gutom.  Ako naman ay diretso sa paborito kong puntahan sa umaga, convenience store, donut store o canteen.

Maghapong windang o may araw na nagpepretend lang na may ginagawa kahit sa totoo lang ay wala.  Excited sa nalalabing minuto bago dumating ang pinakahihintay na oras ng pag-uwi.  Pero di pa talaga uuwi… magpapalipas-oras muna sa pagwiwindow shopping… at uuwing mejo masama ang loob dahil window shopping lang iyon.

Pero ang maganda rito, sa bawat araw may isineset kang accomplishment.  Uuwing may iniisip kung ano ang para bukas at sa mga susunod pang bukas.  At hindi mo namamalayan, darating na ang araw na susuklian naman ng sweldo ang halos dalawang lingo mong pagkatuliro.

Yan ang buhay-empleyado.  Masarap na exciting na nakakawindang.

Sino ba naman ang magsasabing sa isandaang nakasalubong ko sa maghapon, kalahati noon ay maaaring sampung pisong barya lang ang laman ng mga wallet?  Naikukubli lang ng magara-garang kasuotan…

Pormang Barya…