Holding Hands

A few years more and I'll be turning 30 na.  And as far as I can remember, misunderstandings between my parents and my lola's sister, who happened to be our close neighbor, started when I was still in my sophomore years in highschool.  As to who is to be blame and who is making the right and wrong judgement, I never attempted to answer.  Our silence to this issue and not intervening on their arguments are our ways of showing respect to my parents but in our young minds, we never took sides of the matter. 

I heard, Nanang Lucing [my Lola's sister], was confined and undergo serious operation.. she's way too old to be confined… and as from my Lola's stories… she's not really well… still in the stage of recovering… My Lola asked me to text my Auntie to go and buy Marie biscuits, Milo, and anything that could be brought to Nanang Lucing.  I told my Lola… "Ako na lang po ang bibili… dadalhin na lang namin bukas.."

My Lola was teary-eyed.  She told me… "Baka magalit ang nanay at tatay mo…"  And I replied… "Okay lang yun."

I was with my Aunts and my Lola when I visited the sick.  "Mano po, Nanang."  I never convinced and forced my brother to go down…

Nanang Lucing, smiled to me… and asked.. "Sino ba ire?"  I said, "si Shereen po."  I saw in her face a big surprise… and she hold my hand so tight… and she began to cry…

The people around us are all teary-eyed.. they were all telling her "Wag na po kayong umiyak…."

No matter how hard it is for her to speak up… she clearly said.. "Maraming Salamat, Ineng… dinalaw mo ako.." And tears just fell instantly in her cheeks…

My Lola was worried at how my parents will react at my decision to pay visit.  I am thinking of justifications in mind but I was never bothered.  After that, I went to the other house where my parents live.. they knew where I came from.  And no one dares to ask me… as if nothing else happened.  I am waiting to be scolded by my father but to no avail…. no nasty remarks or shall I say… no remarks were given relating to that.  I told my Mom, "Dinalaw namin si Nanang…"

I was telling myself… "Nanang Lucing hasn't done anything wrong to me or to my brother.  If there's anything problematic… it wasn't ours but theirs, why carry the burden?  Why inherit something that you know is not good?"

Her days are numbered and I am so happy that in that remaining days, my simple gesture of visiting have brought relief in her.  I may not represent "forgiveness" among my parents but I carried along "humility" and "uncomplicated heart" that I know will be remembered even if she will be in heaven.

If "holding hands" is a sign of "forgiveness" on the part of Nanang Lucing, for me it's just a reassuring gesture of "acceptance". I am more blessed to witness that smile while she's still alive…

That opportunity gave me one of the best blessings in life… to greatly appreciate the smile of a person dying. And I thank "Tuesdays with Morrie" for allowing me to find good out of it. 

I was never hard-hearted.  I just know when and where to forgive those I know is deserving of that…

I am blessed… and I have all the more reasons to be happy… why allow hatred to rule my heart?

That's why I am blessed.