Lay me down to rest….

My body was sooo tired and my eyes are soo cloudy when I lay myself to bed at around 3am today.  I brought the laptop on top of my pillow and continued working for my test plan due today.  My brain is no longer functioning properly for it has been awake and working for 2 straight days and nights already without sleep and yet what I've been typing on demands a tantamount nerve cells all squeezed in.

After several minutes, I told myself… "You better rest.. You need to rest… or else Your body will suffer… it ain't gonna work". 

I closed my eyes, yet I my mind is awake.  My mind is still insisting that I need to work on.  I started listening to Carrie's new album till I finished all the tracks repeatedly.  Yup… it made me widely awake hehehe.

I laid it on the bedside while the headset is still on and looked for new tracks on "My Music" folder.  I found only one folder in it with "Unknown Artist".  I opened it and found several tracks with unnamed titles.  I randomly select and laid my head on the pillow… I closed my eyes again and whispered…

"Lord, pls. lay me down to sleep… a very short yet complete rest… I am really so tired." 

Then came the intro of the song… I smiled when the tune came into my senses… I knew that song very well.  My favorite Christian song…

"I come boldly… trusting only…. your REDEEMING LOVE….

Flowing freely on your side now… your atoning blood…"

I finished that track and have it repeated thrice actually.  I missed hearing that song.  I missed the group that reminds me of that… Singles for Christ… it reminds me of Nestle who dropped me a message in friendster asking…. "Ate, when are you coming back to serve again… we miss you!"

I remembered… the last phrase that registered into my mind after turning off the laptop… "I will come back very very soon… to serve… sa takdang panahon [ala Big Brother]"

Then I fell asleep… that was 4am actually…. I heard the beep of my phone… and it's 5:00am.  Just an hour of sleep.  But what amazes me the most is that… "the sleep was so deep and the rest is so complete… Just an hour to regenerate 2 days of no-sleep and almost a month of a stressful work."

Thank you, Lord for that very special rest… Thank you talaga.

Dreams

"…maybe you don't know exactly what your dreams are, but you can sense them somewhere deep within you. Even when they're not clearly defined, they're never far away. As a matter of fact, dreams are almost impossible to get rid of. They trouble and tempt you. They keep reminding you that you're not satisfied with your life, that something crucial is missing.  And that's very lucky for you. If your dreams didn't trouble you, you'd forget them entirely."

- Barbara Sher

While browsing for something earling this morning [I was at the office at around 6am … naks naman!!!], I found this very inspiring quote from Barbara Sher.  Dreams will always be a part of your being and only if you've come to realize it is the only time you can say to yourself… "I'm done" and the journey is all worthwhile…

The essence of life springs from how you realize your innermost dreams.  That's the only passion for living…. serving your purpose!

The Reel World

I usually shut off my connection with the re al world everytime I’m confronted with serious tasks at work… running on tight schedules… conscious of delivering an efficient output… just to focus myself on what I supposed to deliver.  I have my own world running around that no one from the “real outside world” can penetrate… and I turn it on again when I’m done. The real world is so stressful and complicated… mine is happy and serene.  Why choose staying at the real world when I have a choice in between.  Other might think of as insanity but for me, it’s a self-motivational strategy. In front of the PC and with my headset on and serious effort to do it, nothing can ever disturb me even if other people are serious at distracting me. My officemates thought that I am soft-spoken, snob, serious, irritated at noise and not interested with casual and silliest conversation.  Their usual remark?

“May sariling mundo na naman si Sheggz!” Har Har Har

I am not particular and affected by comments like that… seriously… I laugh inside everytime I hear that… I learn to love the uncomplicated way of life and the freedom of not being affected by complicated and contagious people around. 

Live your life as I live mine.  And I just had a name for it… while others adhere to the "Yin Yang"… mine is "Yun Yun" hahahaha

Silent Foreign Hero

I cannot fully divulge the details about the topic I’ll blog today due to the complexity of the nature and the thought that the case is under process.   But nonetheless, I couldn’t find any reason at all not to share it. 

“I dunno how it is in your country, but here in the States, the law prevails.  No one is above the law.”

This is what the Hispanic lawyer told my friend when they’ve initially discussed the reason why they resulted to securing a legal help for employment-related issue.  In a land, where you think no one cares and dares to help and racial discrimination had always been a burden for overseas Filipino workers, and life has always been at a fast-paced dragging sense of compassion out of the picture, there exists silent heroes.

It’s the personal and reassuring approach that makes this lawyer different from the other lawyers I used to know.  He/she has all the time to take advantage of that desperate situation and overly bothered clients but he/she managed to fulfill his job with a heart full of compassion.  As I hear my friend’s story, the lawyer has just made a very smart and brilliant counter-defense.  I was touched when the lawyer reassured them that his/her goal is for his/her client not to pay any of the “assumed and hidden penalty” because they haven’t violated any of the listed items in the employment contract.  It’s the comfort and reassuring factor that alleviate my friend’s fear.  It takes guts and good will to defend a stranger of another race against the lawyer’s fellow.

God is so good that He made their paths crossed.  Good souls still exist.  And elsewhere, they are united to counter-defend the enemies…

Thanks a lot, lawyer… Take care of my friends… they’re equally astig [tough] and smart, too… it’s just that… it’s not evident most of the time… hehehehe

Work to Excel

Work has just resumed.  It’s as if my long hours of sleep was just my defense to just a day of awful stress.  What’s good about it is that, as I’ve come to think of it, everyone’s sharing the same dilemma.  Everybody contributes to this project in their own relevant ways. 

I’m tasked to do a plan for the quality assurance.  I’ve been thinking of this for almost a month now.  Information overload, time-pressured and other stress-causing tasks assigned from time to time… all piling up in our list of “To Dos”.   At the end of the day, I am asking myself, are all my efforts qualified to be considered “an excellent work” or is it just belonging to “beat-the-deadline-type of output”.

I do that all the time especially when I’m over-exhausted.  And when I reassured myself that “yes… I did it well…”, I always felt that such personal scoreboard will be my rejuvenating energy cells for the next working days…

It’s fun and challenging to be one with this project.  I am just too proud that I was given this task.  Though I considered myself a pro in this area, it’s the “stress” and the “need-to-do-this-excellent” motivations are the things that keep me goin’.  It wasn’t easy… but it’s the fulfillment of this very difficult work that makes it a lot more rewarding.

Best Memories

The long weekend is about to end.  But I had very good memories of it.  I'd get to see my close friends who came over from Canada, except from Luvie, who I'll be visiting next week, and my closest relatives who had been ill for so long.  Our house has been a living witness of how everyone gave value to that word "Kapamilya", despite and inspite of everything.  I always pray that there'll be more like these in the coming days and years… be always complete and no one's be missing.

I am so happy to see my Ninang Nori… may you always be blessed with a healthy life… may you live longer than the doctors have told you… no words can describe just how good person you are and how you brighten our lives with your inspiration and presence…

I am just too lucky to have a Ninang like you… you'll always be the one I refer to when it comes to talking about "good daughter".

The Living Legacy

Oh I failed to blog why I love to hear the Dan Fogelberg's song, Leader of the Band.  It always reminds me of a very simple dream I keep within my heart.  I have a big heart to those who share their lives with their music.  Be it in a simple church music ministry, the academe, at work, at recreation, and in anywhere else.  I always loved playing at the church.  And when that chance was given to me, I was really excited.  Not because of the prestige of playing on the grand piano and be seen by a lot of people, but moreso, on the very rare opportunity that I'll be living out a dream… all in the purpose and glory of being a living legacy to the wonders and gifts of those who has given this to me…. for the many poor attempts and all the times that I failed are all but a great slices of my own definition of victory and self-worth.

Live out your dreams!  It's fun to be on that journey… promise!

The Leader of the Band

An only child alone and wild
A cabinet maker’s son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none

He left his home and went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know
I never can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn’t wait

He earned his love through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band

My brothers’ lives were different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago
And the other to St Paul

And I’m in Colorado
When I’m not in some hotel
Living out this life I’ve chose
And come to know so well

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go

I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I don’t think
I said, "I love you" near enough

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band

I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.