Three Things

I grew up thinking I was just a Daddy’s Girl and a Lola’s Girl.  Leaving the other attention to my brother.  I settle for just making my Lolo be proud of who I am at least.

I never knew that until I had a heart-to-heart talk earlier with my Mom.  She told me that Lolo is getting weaker each day that he can no longer support himself.  And that last night, my Lolo cried at Lola when Lolo asked her … "Wag ka sana magsawang mag-alaga sa akin ha kasi konting panahon na lang naman ako magpapaalaga".  They hugged each other while inside the comfort room.

My Lola silently cried.  She told my Mom… "Hindi na nga magtatagal ang Ama mo.  Nagbibilin na eh.  Mahal na mahal ng Ama mo si Shereen.  Laging siya ang ipinagbibilin sa akin."

And my Mom began to cry when she told me just what our Lola told her…  Lolo could have mentioned his three children and even my brother… but Lolo keep on mentioning … "Wag ninyong pababayaan si Shereen.  Wag ninyong pababayaan."  "Gusto ko lang makita si Obel na isang abogado na, at masaya akong pipikit na…" 

I pretend that I’m busy doing something that I need to turn my back… but in reality, my eyes are filled with tears… and I’m about to burst in tears!  The days are getting nearer and no matter I prepare myself… I know that I am the least prepared among all of us… and he knew that very well.

I remembered in one of our conversations when he asked me three things I am scared of in life…

I answered…

"1.  The first day you’re gone 2.  The first day that I will realize, you’re totally gone coz that’s the only time I will feel I’m totally wasted and alone and 3. Not making you feel so proud of having me as your granddaughter coz the coming days would never be the same again after these "three days".

But I’m happy that I have fulfilled my dream of making him listened to the songs I’ve published.  Seeing him happy and proud of me… is what I really want

Just for a while

On my way back to Manila, I found myself humming.  It’s from Pooh’s "Wherever You Are".  I’ve reached 29 and been exposed to almost different types of people while keeping a strong sense of "sheggzness".  But sometimes it still affects me everytime a lie will be brought up into the open.  Once, twice is still manageble but several instances and still not bothered until the truth came out are I think is another case.

It saddens me that things like these has to happen at the most unexpected milestones… that I am already at the crossroads of forever keeping a bond.  I am not home to keeping lies… that’s the only thing I keep and value…

I’ll hear you laugh

I’ll see you smile

I’ll be with you

Just for a while…

I used to believe in forever

But forever’s too good to be true

I’ve  hung a wish on ev’ry star

It hasn’t done much good so far