Patron of All Ninangs

Mas pinili kong kumain ng hapunan kesa tumabi kay Mader na nagkukwento sa aking lolo at lola.  Pero malayo man ako ng ilang dipa sa kanila, pare-pareho kaming tumutulo ang luha… pare-parehong pigil ang mga sariling humagulhol.  Si Tita Nori ko kasi ang topic.  Kung meron mang nakakapagpaiyak sa aming lahat ng ganito, siya yun.  Ramdam ko yung lungkot ni Lolo sa gitna ng katahimikan.  Kita ko sa mga mata ni Lola ang kagustuhang makuha pa sa dasal ang lahat…

Sa huling kwento, alam ko sa sarili kong sobrang bilang na bilang na bilang na lang ang oras niya.  Kung aabot man siya ng isa-dalawa o tatlong buwan pa, isang malaking pasasalamat na para sa aming lahat.   
Nang tagpuin ko ang nanay at tita ko sa Harrison mula sa pagdalaw nila sa hospital, nagulat ako na kahit sa pampublikong lugar, hindi nila napigilang umiyak.  May matinding “kurot sa puso”, ika nga.

Hinahanap ka ni Nori… sabi nya agad pagdating namin….

“Si Sheggz? Si Ovel?  Kamusta?”   Tumalikod na lang akong bigla para itago ang pangingilid ng luha… Kung malakas pa yun, aligaga sa pag-aasikaso… maghahanda ng masarap na pagkain at bumabangka sa kwento.

Nang mabanggit daw ang binabalak na thanksgiving ni bro, napangiti pa daw ito at sinabing ”tayo-tayo na lang”.  Ang hirap magcelebrate pag alam mong may kulang noh?

Isa ito sa mga pagkakataong “buong puso ko nang ipinagkakatiwala ang Tita Nori” ko sa Diyos.  Kahit ayoko pa sanang ibigay siya sa Kanya, hindi ko na kayang ipagdamot pa ang isang mabuting taong sadyang ipinahiram lang din naman sa aming pamilya.  Masyado na niyang naibigay ang kanyang sarili para sa aming lahat at ang pagmamahal niyang iyon ang hinding-hindi namin makakalimutan.

Kung meron mang higit akong pinagpapasalamat sa Diyos, isa marahil ang pagpapahiram sa aming lahat ng isang katulad niya, na ang presensya at ang maaaring pagkawala sa mga susunod na bukas ay magkakaroon ng malaking-malaking pagkakaiba at halaga.  May ibang nangyari sa aming mga buhay sa pagkataong aming minahal.

Isa ka sa mga taong nagturo sa akin ng tunay na kahulugan at pagpapahalaga sa pagmamahal at pagtupad sa obligasyon sa pamilya, sa kapwa at sa Diyos.  Kung dumating man ang oras na iyon na kailangan ka na naming ibigay, sabay-sabay naming itataas ang aming mga kamay… maiabot ka lang ng safe sa kanya.  Kung papayagan nga lang sana ako ni San Pedro, ako na lang magbubukas ng pinto para man lang maihabilin kita sa kanya… baka mangailangan pa ng testimonial on how good you are… sasabihin ko na… magaling kang magluto tsaka the best ka talaga. Hindi ko alam kung gaano kita kahigpit na yayakapin… Ngayon palang, mamimiss na talaga kita. <Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu>

Dahil alam ko kung gaano mo ako kamahal, Ninang… I had the best gifts… the best gift of Ninang in you.

Conversations

Been exposed to GLBT issues in my constant dealings with a few, some became my constant companions and this one’s I would wanna share to you guys if it would make sense to souls out there trying to come out and trying to unlock the skeleton in their closet.  I find this conversation so light yet very truthful and applies to all genders not exclusive only to the type mentioned below. 

Human1:  Up to now are you still treating it objectively?
Human2:  Unless flashed into my face that is the only time I can say it’s affirmed.
Human1:  Are you sure?
Human2:  I already told you that.  Were you not convinced yet?  That’s the closest to reality.
Human1:  Is it really possible?
Human2:  Yes, it is.  Not that “open for all” kind of thing.  I have a queer eye.  Mine is different as I keep it private and sacred (?!).  It took a while before I acknowledge it, so what’s the sense of trashing the good sense out of it.  There’s this “exclusivity” about it.  I still would want to believe that even at such kind, I value “relationship and commitment” and the “love” attached to it.  Why so bothered, sis?
Human1: Still on inquisitive stage… on how you’re just taking it so light.
Human2: Why take it so hard if you can just carry it light.  Don’t feel uneasy and uncomfortable coz I’m carrying it ohh just fine.
Human1:  Are you happy?
Human2:  The difference between then and now… I’d learn to respect myself more… giving due advantage to every ounce of freedom I’m getting inside…
Human1:  What if you get hurt?
Human2:  What’s extraordinary about it? It happens to everyone.  Treat it ordinarily.  Live carefree.

Hapibertdey Piglet :)

We became friends since 1999 when I joined the Dept. of Tourism. 
For five straight years, we have enjoyed dealing with each other almost everyday.  She got used to my tantrums and I’ve come to love her being my Ate. She’s definitely one of the very few people who understands very well who I really am.  And I know that for some reasons, she’ll never forget how I made her cry and I made her life quite uneasy… hehehe

When I left, she was the last to cry. Not that she really wanted me to let go, but she knew very well that it was what I wanted to do at that time.  And she stood firmly as a friend (a sister, I should say).. the best friend one could ever have.

She texted me last night that she had reviewed her inbox and deleted some messages only to know that I never texted her..
I was thinking, "why do I have to text her? Did I promise anything to say?"  Only to realize, I forgot greeting my bestfriend on her birthday last April 12!  Todoinks! Todoinks! 
I called her up just to laugh and laugh!

To my bestfriend of too many years, Rech Banguilan, "Happy Happy Happy Birthday!"
So sorry for my memory lapses. It was just one heck of todoinks!!!

*Mwah! *Mwah! *Mwah! *Hug tight!*  Magic Word!!!

I missed hanging around with my Piglet