Little Miss "Pasaway"

While touring around the Greenhills, my eyes grew wide at so many statement shirts being sold out.  I am a fan of "statement shirts".  I used to collect that.  I just loved the idea that even if you’re just wearing it and you never utter anything, your shirt tells of something.  For a statement shirt to be successful at implying a message, it must have something so striking on print!  I enjoyed reading the prints!  It costs around Php280.00 per piece.  And if you’re good at "tawaran", you can get it a lower price.

The statement shirt fever is on!  Woohooo! 

Rona and Robi

PBB Teen Edition Plus is here.  I must admit, I rarely find time to watch it, and I enjoy watching the guardians more than the teens.  The guardians are not guarded of their actions, they simply live the way it should be.. "unguarded".

The first time I saw them, Linda was the most appealing followed by Nicole.. Among the guys, it was Ejay then Robi and Josef… But personality-wise, I admire Rona more and Robi.  Though I know Nicole and Josef are strong contenders for the title, if voting public will just be after astounding personality, Rona and Robi would be one of the top choices.  

For it has always been "personality" before "physical appeal".  I find them so responsible of their actions and grounded on good values, and I sensed a leader in them

Time is up!

While watching the advance episodes of Lovers last night, I tend to be a lil emotional on some scenes that in reality had once been so close to my share of love story hehehe.    I cried at the confrontation scenes… and fell in love with the surprises…
I am always curious at how "feelings" started to be "confused" and how someone has to break the silence and confirm whatever it is he/she is feeling.  That’s what I always look after love stories hehehe.. the confusion to admission and taking actions. 

That moment when you began "questioning yourself and even doubting your feelings to the extent of just explicitly giving the reasons why you end up feeling and fighting for it", the constant debates running into your mind and heart, and those moments that made you feel so tense, awkward, scared but happy, knees were shaking and caught in between.. making you weak hehehe.  After making a few flashbacks, I decided to listen to Kitchie Nadal’s “Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin”.  That song, though, will always remind me of Lovers in Paris, and on how Vivian won over the love of Carlo, it’s something that gives me a strong sense of “something” hehehe.  I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if I’d be for some instance be as patient as Vivian Kang, Princess Lulu, or Doc Jackie in the name of love. (yihee!)…  

Don’t ever tell me that you weren’t given the chance to say it or to understand fully what your feelings are capable of doing.  I have given you so much time…  been always asking… but you weren’t that brave enough to confront the feelings… how can I expect you to fight for me… you never even had the courage to fight for that love… I’ve been there standing… waiting for you to say it…

Patron of All Ninangs

Mas pinili kong kumain ng hapunan kesa tumabi kay Mader na nagkukwento sa aking lolo at lola.  Pero malayo man ako ng ilang dipa sa kanila, pare-pareho kaming tumutulo ang luha… pare-parehong pigil ang mga sariling humagulhol.  Si Tita Nori ko kasi ang topic.  Kung meron mang nakakapagpaiyak sa aming lahat ng ganito, siya yun.  Ramdam ko yung lungkot ni Lolo sa gitna ng katahimikan.  Kita ko sa mga mata ni Lola ang kagustuhang makuha pa sa dasal ang lahat…

Sa huling kwento, alam ko sa sarili kong sobrang bilang na bilang na bilang na lang ang oras niya.  Kung aabot man siya ng isa-dalawa o tatlong buwan pa, isang malaking pasasalamat na para sa aming lahat.   
Nang tagpuin ko ang nanay at tita ko sa Harrison mula sa pagdalaw nila sa hospital, nagulat ako na kahit sa pampublikong lugar, hindi nila napigilang umiyak.  May matinding “kurot sa puso”, ika nga.

Hinahanap ka ni Nori… sabi nya agad pagdating namin….

“Si Sheggz? Si Ovel?  Kamusta?”   Tumalikod na lang akong bigla para itago ang pangingilid ng luha… Kung malakas pa yun, aligaga sa pag-aasikaso… maghahanda ng masarap na pagkain at bumabangka sa kwento.

Nang mabanggit daw ang binabalak na thanksgiving ni bro, napangiti pa daw ito at sinabing ”tayo-tayo na lang”.  Ang hirap magcelebrate pag alam mong may kulang noh?

Isa ito sa mga pagkakataong “buong puso ko nang ipinagkakatiwala ang Tita Nori” ko sa Diyos.  Kahit ayoko pa sanang ibigay siya sa Kanya, hindi ko na kayang ipagdamot pa ang isang mabuting taong sadyang ipinahiram lang din naman sa aming pamilya.  Masyado na niyang naibigay ang kanyang sarili para sa aming lahat at ang pagmamahal niyang iyon ang hinding-hindi namin makakalimutan.

Kung meron mang higit akong pinagpapasalamat sa Diyos, isa marahil ang pagpapahiram sa aming lahat ng isang katulad niya, na ang presensya at ang maaaring pagkawala sa mga susunod na bukas ay magkakaroon ng malaking-malaking pagkakaiba at halaga.  May ibang nangyari sa aming mga buhay sa pagkataong aming minahal.

Isa ka sa mga taong nagturo sa akin ng tunay na kahulugan at pagpapahalaga sa pagmamahal at pagtupad sa obligasyon sa pamilya, sa kapwa at sa Diyos.  Kung dumating man ang oras na iyon na kailangan ka na naming ibigay, sabay-sabay naming itataas ang aming mga kamay… maiabot ka lang ng safe sa kanya.  Kung papayagan nga lang sana ako ni San Pedro, ako na lang magbubukas ng pinto para man lang maihabilin kita sa kanya… baka mangailangan pa ng testimonial on how good you are… sasabihin ko na… magaling kang magluto tsaka the best ka talaga. Hindi ko alam kung gaano kita kahigpit na yayakapin… Ngayon palang, mamimiss na talaga kita. <Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu>

Dahil alam ko kung gaano mo ako kamahal, Ninang… I had the best gifts… the best gift of Ninang in you.

Conversations

Been exposed to GLBT issues in my constant dealings with a few, some became my constant companions and this one’s I would wanna share to you guys if it would make sense to souls out there trying to come out and trying to unlock the skeleton in their closet.  I find this conversation so light yet very truthful and applies to all genders not exclusive only to the type mentioned below. 

Human1:  Up to now are you still treating it objectively?
Human2:  Unless flashed into my face that is the only time I can say it’s affirmed.
Human1:  Are you sure?
Human2:  I already told you that.  Were you not convinced yet?  That’s the closest to reality.
Human1:  Is it really possible?
Human2:  Yes, it is.  Not that “open for all” kind of thing.  I have a queer eye.  Mine is different as I keep it private and sacred (?!).  It took a while before I acknowledge it, so what’s the sense of trashing the good sense out of it.  There’s this “exclusivity” about it.  I still would want to believe that even at such kind, I value “relationship and commitment” and the “love” attached to it.  Why so bothered, sis?
Human1: Still on inquisitive stage… on how you’re just taking it so light.
Human2: Why take it so hard if you can just carry it light.  Don’t feel uneasy and uncomfortable coz I’m carrying it ohh just fine.
Human1:  Are you happy?
Human2:  The difference between then and now… I’d learn to respect myself more… giving due advantage to every ounce of freedom I’m getting inside…
Human1:  What if you get hurt?
Human2:  What’s extraordinary about it? It happens to everyone.  Treat it ordinarily.  Live carefree.

Hapibertdey Piglet :)

We became friends since 1999 when I joined the Dept. of Tourism. 
For five straight years, we have enjoyed dealing with each other almost everyday.  She got used to my tantrums and I’ve come to love her being my Ate. She’s definitely one of the very few people who understands very well who I really am.  And I know that for some reasons, she’ll never forget how I made her cry and I made her life quite uneasy… hehehe

When I left, she was the last to cry. Not that she really wanted me to let go, but she knew very well that it was what I wanted to do at that time.  And she stood firmly as a friend (a sister, I should say).. the best friend one could ever have.

She texted me last night that she had reviewed her inbox and deleted some messages only to know that I never texted her..
I was thinking, "why do I have to text her? Did I promise anything to say?"  Only to realize, I forgot greeting my bestfriend on her birthday last April 12!  Todoinks! Todoinks! 
I called her up just to laugh and laugh!

To my bestfriend of too many years, Rech Banguilan, "Happy Happy Happy Birthday!"
So sorry for my memory lapses. It was just one heck of todoinks!!!

*Mwah! *Mwah! *Mwah! *Hug tight!*  Magic Word!!!

I missed hanging around with my Piglet

Accept

The easy way to recover from failure is simply to accept the things that happened beyond your control and take the luggage and learn the hard-earned lessons.  You can no longer change what happened yesterday and whether you like it or not, it will be part of who you are now.  As to how it will going to affect you will determine your choices today and in the future.  Choose whether to have it affect you positively or negatively or whether it will make you wise and matured.  I’m a grown-up now and I should be responsible to every action and decision I make and the people I deal with.  I’ve been for quite some time been in danger because of trusting someone… even friends.  I always put my heart into every soul I met. 

I seldom share bits and pieces of my life.  And it hurts me more that “friends” never consider the value attached to it, they’ll just gonna share it to anyone without my consent as if it wasn’t important and private to me… yet, I call them friends… <sigh> 

That’s life.. you win some… you lose some..

End of May

I’m looking forward to the upcoming project sign-offs.  I can now imagine, a flag being raised at my desk signalling a time-out from work.  Woohoo!!! I envy Lakwatsero, Mayo and De Juice as they already had their rounds of island-hopping… in most places I’ve never been.  I’m eyeing end of May to go somewhere… excited to welcome 2008 rainy season while dancing in the rain and singing "Sukob Na!"   

I assure myself that it would be one relaxing moment before the take-off

Go Places

"The glory of the world is transitory, and we cannot measure our lives by it, only by the decision we make to follow our personal legend, to believe in our utopias, and to fight for them.  Each of us is the protagonist of our own life, and often it is the anonymous heroes who leave the most enduring marks."

- p.127, Like the Flowing River - Paulo Coehlo

I just had one troubled week that had made me travel to Manila-Tuguegarao and back to Manila without sleeping, as if I was just travelling to Divisoria alone. So troubled that I almost lost my senses and detached from the usual errands… and almost gave up my work.  Glad that I have friends who may have not known the full details but still manage to respect and deal with my silence.
Yesterday before lunch, I was still lying in bed, not bothered at all to go to work.  I tried keeping in touch with my group to check whether everything is in progress.  I’ve been receiving several texts that need careful attention and quick response.  Then I thought, my work is to make things done… and not to halt.  I started to think of considering other options.  It gives me hope and a brighter perspective.  I got up quickly, smiled and felt so excited that I feel renewed.  I cannot just quit easily for it would just create a domino effect… I have to be fully accountable to myself, my work and all the people and things that depend on my sanity and productivity.
I started getting in touch with friends who have been convincing me before to work or study abroad.  I am considering UK, Qatar, New Zealand, Singapore, Dubai, etc. again. 
I cannot afford to disappoint myself from not being productive.  Anyone who knows me from the time I was at kindergarten believes that I wouldn’t be a "trash"… even Mdme. Rodil once exclaimed… "sheggz will go places.."

They saw something in me that I couldn’t afford not to achieve. Go Go Go!!

AJA is Back!

Kim Jeung Eun is back!  Making me so excited to tune in to ABS-CBN every 10:30-11:00pm from Mondays-Thursdays.  The nights were never been this happier!  Old friends know just how I’ve been a fan of Vivian Kang of Lovers in Paris.  It was when I’ve come to love that personality of being "Timang!" Shall I say, that’s the only time I’ve been reassured that my personality is not extraordinary, it’s seemingly Timang!  I look up to her as the reigning "Queen of all Timangs!" Aja!  I simply adore that seemingly carefree personality… uncomplicated!

I missed seeing Martin and Carlo but last night’s episode made me appreciate Jared.  I was watching alone in the conference room at the office and I was just like "giggling over" the budding romance between Jarred and Doc Jackie.  
Haba ng hair mo, Doc Jackie!   Challenge sa yo kung paano mo mapapaibig yang si Jarred na napaka-stiff hehehe … one Big Aja!