“The Other Half”

I saw his face so at peace inside the white coffin.  I saw his other half leaning at my friend’s shoulder, and I can actually feel the pain is unbearable for now.  The tears that were trying so hard not to come out, are the tears that’s coming out from within.  And it’s what that kept me bothered while I was inside the chapel… 

I asked myself, how painful would it be to say goodbye to someone who have always been a part of your life?  

I looked up to her as someone so tough… but at this point, I couldn’t see any signs at all that she is… 

“Mamimiss ko lang cia.  Highschool pa kasi…”

When I accidentally heard it, I felt the pain somehow and went back to my first question and have it rephrased… 

How painful would it be to say goodbye to someone who have been there in almost half of your life?  How would the first morning be knowing he’s no longer there beside you?
How painful would it be? 

That’s what true love brings you… memories that go beyond… And it lives forever

Unsolicited

There’s this guy who happened to be my classmate in college constantly giving unsolicited advice, messages, e-mails, etc…. even unsolicited love…  Nine years had passed and still he hasn’t found the best answers that would convince him to move on and accept the things that for him might be possible…  Does it take a genius to decode that there was nothing to start about or to continue?  As far as my memory can recall, there was nothing beyond being friends.  Even my friends who have known a little had long accepted that there was nothing to start about… A known pre-requisite to loving a person is at least you feel something special.  Then how come he’ll make you feel as if I owe him something?  It’s been nine years and my heart cannot recall even a single point of “feeling something”…  For everything is unsolicited… even what you’re feeling is unsolicited… and why do you expect me to say something? 

“Respect is earned and not imposed…” just as love…  
If my posts in this blog had made you disappointed, I care less.  If you think these are just prejudices, it’s no longer my concern.  Then, don’t ever read it again.  For you have just known a very small part of who I am and an ignorant on how I went through… not enough conviction for you to say things like that…   For I’ve never admired someone who had always been a struggling shadow… or shall I say, a stalker?  It’s not admirable either knowing that you’re married and still you have the “nerve” to post and share whatever it is you’re feeling that you’ll know have never been entertained and accepted.  Does your wife know about this? 

I wouldn’t mind losing someone who has never played an important role in my life…

Silence kills…

"You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say."
F. Scott Fitzgerald

I can always vacate the space I’m standing at and leave. Could easily jump off of the building and end this all out. Look at the people straight to their faces and give them a fucking asshole sign… But as what Fra Lippo Lippi says, "Should’t have to be like that!"… It wasn’t at all a single and final defeat.  I can shout to the world how angry I am right now, of how deeply I’m hurt and how scared I was… so scared that nobody saved me… even my strength.  I look at you straight… you never heard anything from me… but my silence kills you, day after day… and you will never recognize me anymore… never!

The Choice

“Choose not to choose for the sake of fairness.”  That’s exactly what my heart tells me.  It’s not wise after all. Silence doesn’t always have to mean yes, sometimes it’s a subtle way of saying no.  Staying away has to mean ending up, it sometimes marks a fresh start.  Tears, at times, don’t mean cowardice; sometimes… it has to do with coping and a new sense of courage. 

For both choices won’t give me any dose of relief, happiness, freedom, security, and love.  Both choices failed in me a hundred times and more.  What’s the use of choosing and fighting for people not deserving of your life, love and commitment.  For any of those choices doesn’t even have the full courage to fight nor the most convincing answers at hand. 

I chose not to choose; I chose to set them both free… it’s not helping if I manage to keep one of them… for any reason at all. 

For both is not assessed on equal footing.  The one I would want to choose forever… never had the love to nurture the love that’s in me. 

If you just believed… and if you just fight for it… I could have chosen you…

Movie Lines

Everytime I am confronted with questions that will require serious and honest-to-goodness answers, and those questions that relate to matters of the heart, I always end up twisting the plot and find comic relief by… borrowing lines from Sharon Cuneta’s movies…   And this time, I was able to use it again hehehehe

“You don’t know what I truly feel…” – Sharon to Aga in Kung Ako na Lang Sana

 

“I am just your wife… Kaya hindi mo ako nirerespeto” – Sharon to Christopher De Leon in Madrasta

 

"Love should not be a heavy feeling, it should not make you suffer. Love should make you happy.It’s a smile in the heart, it makes you come alive, love makes you want to fly, you know…" - Sharon to Gabby in P.S. I Love You

"Oo ate… oo ate…puro na lang ako oo ate! Daig ko pa ang manika de susi. Nakagapos na nga ang paa’t kamay ko, pati ba naman puso, nakagapos pa din?!" - Sharon to Lorna T in Nakagapos na Puso

" Ayoko ng no.1 kasi pag my no 1, may no.2, may no.3, Ang gusto ko " You’re only one"
— Sharon Cuneta —– Dear Heart

It’s my way of escaping from the pressure of answering it hehehe… so if ever you’ll hear these answers from me.. you’ll know basically that I don’t know how to answer it, huh?

The Elephant in the Room

When I first heard of this phrase "Elephant in the Room"… I was very anxious to know what it means.  How can an elephant fit in the room?  What’s the elephant doing inside the room?  Then a close friend told me, "It is a metaphor for something you both know is there but not willing to acknowledge."

So I tried to look for more and more definitions of it on the net. 

The elephant in the room (also elephant in the living room, elephant in the corner, elephant on the dinner table, elephant in the kitchen, and horse in the corner) is an English idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. It is based on the idea that an elephant in a small room would be impossible to overlook.

It sometimes is used to refer to a question or problem that is obvious, but which is ignored out of embarrassment or taboo. The idiom also implies a value judgment that the issue ought to be discussed openly.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_in_the_room

The expression "elephant in the room" refers to a situation where something major is going on, it’s on everyone’s mind and impossible to ignore — like an elephant in the room. But nobody talks about the "elephant" because nobody knows what to do about it.

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/6/messages/836.html

An important and obvious topic, which everyone present is aware of, but which isn’t discussed, as such discussion is considered to be uncomfortable.

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/elephant-in-the-room.html

A Quote

Pink Goggles

I have my “FACE YOUR FEARS” to do list this summer.  Topping the list of course is “Swimming!”.   I have several attempts to conquer my phobia in swimming and failed.  The last time I tried the hardest was in Tuguegarao with of course, my Beskung Rech *wink! wink!* This time, let’s challenge one of the premier swimming instructors in the land if he can make Sheggz swim!

The first ones I bought were nose and ear clips and pink goggles… It has to be pink! Hehehe I am overly pissed off at drinking lots of water at the beach hahahahaa

Till the next plunge!